Twisted Realizations
“Don’t compromise your dreams to what everyone else expects.”
Hell yeah, so true!
I’ve been bumming for about ten days, eights hours, thirty one minutes, and 55 seconds now. Within that timeframe, there’s just one primeval thought that keeps on jaywalking in my head, “What am I really good at?” I’ve got to be kidding me. After pursuing a life – long dream that would be my end – all and be – all question? Oh c’mon, there must be something, please pop – up now!
This omnipotent question was triggered like a spark plug when I’ve seen this kindergarten classmate of mine. She used to be my biatch friend, gossip here, gossip there, and gossip everywhere. She was once my stinky, filthy, and mucousy crab friend (because she always had this greenish something in her nose, ewish!). Anyway, she just asked me “How are you? Are you airplane now? Coz you wished to be one when you know, when we’re little.” Oh yeah, I remembered. And then I just smirked. It’s all coming back to me now. I totally remembered when I was four or five way back then when my teacher asked me what I want to be when I grow up. Then I answered, “I wanna be an airplane”. So cool. So dumb. For the love of God, of all the things that she can remember.
So right then and there, I answered, “Actually no, change of plans”. But I have had a ride on some. And I want to ride in a broomstick too. Just imagine the pleasure I’ll have while whooshing and undergoing severe turbulence and doldrums (Whah! What am I imagining, might be the side effect of the Truffle, oh so chocolatey!). Anyhow, she walked out after realizing what a terrible schizoid I am.
When I got home, I started to internalize “What am I really good at, seriously?” Singing? Dancing? Writing? NADA. How bout sleeping? Eating? Vaining? Oh yeah! Shut up..that’s my slothy self talking. What a total devour! I feel so wrecked like a ship. Helpless. Maybe just maybe I’m doomed to be nonsense, freaking delusional, and perhaps pointless.
But hey, I’m still alive. Rocking and kicking [ass!]. It’s not the end of the world yet. I can still explore other options such as witchcraft, asparagus ice cream – making, ghost busting and stuff like that. Or maybe traveling. Yes, good plan. I want to go to Pluto, or maybe no because others say it’s just a star now. How about Mars? Maybe I’ll find some demons there and I’ll go slaying and kicking ass. Cool. No, hot. Mars is hot. Not a good idea. How about Earth first and Jupiter later? But there’s a lot of latitudes and longitudes criss – crossing on earth. Narrowing it down, I want to go to Italy (the country of love?), Ireland (because I’m Irish), and of course London (dungeon of vampires). Sounds interesting. Let the quest begin!
An Open Letter for Doris
They say million dollar thoughts strike at
three. Well then, here I am half awake waiting for things to fall out of
nowhere. A lot of things are running through my head after having a nonsense
conversation with someone – words lefts unsaid. And now I couldn’t sleep.
Sentimental as this may sound but I’m living
with someone’s words of wisdom. She’s been my mentor for almost six years now.
I’ve aspired hardcore just to belong and fit in her group way back in high
school but sad to say I didn’t make it. I can’t and never will forget the first
encounter that I have had with her when I was in junior high. The pangaral
sounds like this “Bright man unta ka pero ngano bugoy man kaayo imong uyab.
Ulaw kaayo sa top section.” This understatement haunted me from that day
onwards. I’ve internalized what she said until I figured out that she sounds
like my mother. To cut this short, I’d like to thank you
Doris
for all the advices that you wired on
me. Mao ni ang mga recent na nakatarog jud sa ako. :0
- Don’t say
anything na you’ll regret in the end.
- “No person
has the right to condemn you on how you repair your heart coz no one knows
how much you’re hurting.”
- Follow your
___ intuition ( bawal ang school bashing?)
Just to let you know that having you around
means a lot to me (even though literally you are not always around). Your advices relieve me, seriously.
Handwriting Analysis
Welcome Irish Mae Castro, here is your handwriting analysis.
Irish
Mae uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her
heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive
emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions
but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and
enjoys being alone.
The circumstances when Irish Mae does express
emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous
stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be
sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers
her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark
she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by
self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional
influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an
emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get
hysterical, she has poise.
Irish Mae will work more efficiently
if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded
by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the
things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you"
is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know.
The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is
best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally.
Irish
Mae is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a
product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should
present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be
taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet
emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this
best for me?"
Irish
Mae tends to write a bit smaller than the average person. When a
person’s letters are small and tiny, this indicates an ability to focus
and concentrate. This character trait is a huge asset in careers like
math, science, race car driving, and flying planes. However, if Irish
Mae writes tiny all of the time, she will also display characteristics
of someone who is socially introverted. Irish Mae will often sit on the
sideline and watch others get the attention at parties. she might be
willing to open up and be warm, but only in small groups or a select
group of people. When she is busy working on a project, it is common
for all other noises and distractions to just fade away and her ability
to focus is incredible. When she says "she didn’t hear you", she really
means, she didn’t hear you.
Irish
Mae will demand respect and will expect others to treat her with honor
and dignity. Irish Mae believes in her ideas and will expect other
people to also respect them. She has a lot of pride.
Irish
Mae is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with
others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a
private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning
certain events in her past.
Irish
Mae has a desire for attention. People around Irish Mae will notice
this need. She may fulfill this need by a variety of ways depending on
her own character.
Irish
Mae is a cumulative and procedural thinker. She likes to have all the
facts before making a decision. She thinks or creates much like a brick
mason, stacking fact upon fact. Her thought pattern or the conclusion
will not be complete until the last fact is in place. Like that brick
wall, Irish Mae learns faster through visual demonstration than through
quick verbal instructions. Once she has learned new material, and
understood it, she won’t forget.
Irish Mae is a methodical
thinker, therefore she is able to build things and come up with new
ideas. In an argument, she often loses to rapid thinking people because
she is thinking thirty minutes later about what she should have said.
These people often are very booksmart, but can be out-gunned in a rapid
fire verbal debate.
She may learn new ideas at a slower pace than
other "less detailed" people, but once she gets it, she can handle
repetition. Some people hate jobs with too much repetition, she can
handle it better than most.
Irish
Mae’s true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Irish Mae
that she wasn’t a great and beautiful person, and she believed them.
Irish Mae also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks.
Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. She
doesn’t have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and
chance failure. Irish Mae is capable of accomplishing much more than
she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. Irish
Mae’s self-concept is artificially low. Irish Mae will stay in a bad
situation much too long… why? Because she is afraid that if she makes
a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Irish Mae to plan too far
into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She
may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of
making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions.
This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not
believing in and loving themselves. Irish Mae is an example of someone
living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was
broken.
Irish
Mae will take action on her thoughts. She is positive that her views
are correct for her. She has the ability to seem as if she is
positively correct when answering a question, even if she does not have
the slightest idea of the answer. Irish Mae displays a self-confidence
that makes everyone else sure she is correct. She is positive of her
own views, but not necessarily stubborn.
Irish
Mae is constantly disappointed when trying to reach success. She works
very hard, perhaps harder than most, then just before succeeding,
something happens that keeps her from success. Often, Irish Mae changes
to a second project just before the first one is finished, thus failing
to complete the first project. Sometimes she changes because she feels
she needs a different challenge. Irish Mae feels dejected. This feeling
relates to her failures. This trait is very important in a working
situation and in a relationship. She must be handled in a very special
way to get the most work from her or to make a relationship last.
Concerning this trait, personality modification is available to change
her life.
For
a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer’s attitude
toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own
space. If the inputted data was correct Irish Mae has left lots of
white space on the all four borders of the paper. Irish Mae fills up
just the center area of the page. If this is true, then Irish Mae has a
particular shyness toward people and a fear of moving too fast in any
direction. In some cultures, respecting people, rules, and adhering to
protocol are ways of life.
The right side of the page represents
the future and the left side represents the past. Irish Mae seems a bit
stuck in the middle, afraid to take action.
Irish Mae seems to
have a fear of looking bad or of crossing boundries. It will be easy to
work with Irish Mae on a team, because Irish Mae will usually follow
the rules. However, this desire to respect the boundries can often be
construed as a lack of confidence and people will walk over Irish Mae
if she is not careful.
DIARY OF A BROKEN HEART: An integration to wound physiology
I am wide awake preparing for an upcoming exam. The topics that I’m obliged to finish are wound physiology, burn rehabilitation, amputation etc. It’s already dawn and I’m not even halfway done. A lot of thoughts strike and bother me plus the alcohol that my room mates and I drank a few minutes ago is still penetrating deep into my veins. I’m already floating literally. I wanted to sleep but I feel guilty. I am so intoxicated. The feeling is like having a newly amputated stump showered with a bucket full of beer. How’s that sound to you? Well, that’s how my achy – breaky heart feels. And so I’ve decided to coin the concept phantom love which is defined as the sensation of love that is no longer there. Kaboom! According to Pedretti’s Occupational Therapy 6th ed., there are three stages of wound healing namely: inflammatory (which is synonymous to breaking – up in my lexicon), reparative (letting go), and scar maturation phase (moving on). Nosebleed? Me too. Hmm…what stage am I right now? In the first phase, the over – all intervention is to reduce edema by resting and protecting the involved structure (my achy breaky heart). On the next phase, neovascularization or the development of new blood supply takes place. Care must be taken not to increase the inflammatory response by overaggressive motion. I’ve reached this phase but sad to say, I did not succeed so I regressed to the first stage. The feeling is like scratching a newly formed scab and it bleeds a lot. Then finally, the scar maturation phase which is supposed to be the final chapter in the wound healing story. It usually takes 12 to 18 months. But I guess it will take me years to reach this. Perhaps moving on is the hardest part. To end this mashed potato story, I’d like to share an excerpt from the song SCARS by Papa Roach. I’m not so sure of the lyrics but the thought’s like this,“…my weakness is, that I cared too much. The scars remind us that the past is real. I tear my heart open just to feel.”
a day at pcpi
The common problems that I have observed from the patients that I have handled in the Philippine Cerebral Palsy, Inc. are the following: age – inappropriate work behaviors, fluctuating muscle tone, bilateral equinovalgus deformity, delayed hand functions, delayed cognitive skills, and ADL dependence, specifically feeding. I think I did well on the gentle passive stretching to assist relaxation and in preparation of the patient for other procedures or activities. The three patients that I have handled are diagnosed with CP spastic quadriplegia and the other one even has mild hydrocephalus which I think is fragile and is difficult to manage.
I was also given the chance to position the patients in different developmental positions such as prone – on – elbows, supported short – sitting, and weight bearing on hands and elbows. It was such a good thing to prepare myself for the upcoming actual treatment session. Although I was not able to handle the three of them for a longer period of time, I was able to make good use of the time allotted to assist and observe. I think I will be able to be more prepared for the next fieldwork, the evaluation part, because we were assigned to a specific case. At least, we can review the case background and on what specific intervention/strategies to apply.
Observing an actual OT treatment session is like putting myself one step closer to being an intern. It’s nerve wracking because I can already feel the pressure of having to not just pass my subjects but also to internalize what it is like to be a real occupational therapist. While I was visualizing myself conducting an actual treatment session, I can’t help but wonder what frames of reference and intervention strategies will use? Will I be able to extract from my memory the appropriate intervention technique to be used?
sa upm camp - cts adult
Observing an actual OT treatment session is like putting myself one step closer to being an intern. It’s nerve wracking because I can already feel the pressure of having to not just pass my subjects but also to feel and savor what it is like to be a real occupational therapist. While I was visualizing myself conducting an actual treatment session, I can’t help but wonder what frames of reference and intervention strategies will use? Will I be able to extract from my memory the appropriate intervention technique to be used?
The first group was a bunch of girls. They were seven in the group and I was assigned to assist two of them on their selling and money management task. They were able to sell their crafts as well as ‘endorsed’ their products by using the script that the interns provided them. Although sad to say, some of them were having a hard time maintaining eye contact while speaking. The good thing was they were able to finish selling all the items although some customers complained that the notebooks were not that cost – effective, or in short expensive. The second group was composed of five boys. Almost the same task with the first group except that what they were tasked to sell were cards made from specialty papers, which were actually dried leaves entrapped within a tissue paper. This time I find it a little bit difficult when being confronted with the aggressive patients. In general, aside from the fact that they were all high functioning, I have observed that they were having difficulties such as initiating spontaneous conversations, maintaining gaze when speaking to other people, sustaining speech in completing sentences, expressing appropriate affect, sharing self with others through speech, and responding appropriately to other people’s reaction whenever a peculiar behavior is exhibited.
Based on what I’ve observed, I’ve learned that there’s no such thing as an “absolute” technique for a specific case. A lot of treatment procedures can be applied depending on how confident one is on the effectiveness of his/her chosen intervention. This is where clinical reasoning comes in. In order to be effective, one should have at least a combination of the following: a rich supply of knowledge about the condition and the intervention to be applied + exuding confidence. While observing, I’m already putting myself in the shoes of the OT who is carrying out the treatment session. I’m having an imaginary “epistaxis”. I find it difficult to handle the patient at first because I think that I wasn’t that confident to handle things on my own. But I did make good use of the time allotted for me to observe and assist. Factors such as being prepared and having an ample amount of knowledge about the condition could have affected my interaction with the client/caregiver and the performance/application of the treatment intervention. I’d prepare myself for the next fieldwork by reviewing and internalizing my MRL and OT notes.
THE BEST LOVESTORY THAT I EVER HAD
When I was in high school, I fell so deeply inlove with a “mystique” guy. I used to call him Cutie RJ. Cutie because he’s just 2 – 3 inches taller than me (I guess) and mystique because he captivated me in a lot of ways. At first I thought it was just a power tripping so I went with the flow. But as days go by, I became fascinated with him – his eyes, his cute dimples, his voice, his smell, and above all, his attitude and sense of humor.
We first met at a common friend’s birthday celeb – a swimming party. We were teased because I was clumsy way back then (I’m always being caught red – handed, by him of course, on a “fish catch” game). We’ve undergone this “sabay” stuff and all. Almost everyday, he waits on the front gate of our school. He complains that mosquitoes are having a feast on him, but still he waits for me until our so called extension class ends. When I hear his jokes, all my frustrations and tiredness fade away. He was indeed my super shock absorber. I can’t enumerate all the happy moments that we spent together maybe because the thought of them only makes me regret and also because I can’t retrieve all of them from the specific Brodmann’s area where all my memories reside.
This may sound a little bit corny but I’m proud to say that he’s worth all the heartaches (nociception, palpitations, and all the -tions that I know,hehe!). Now I believe that you will only realize someone’s worth when he’s not yours anymore, or worse when he’s already with someone else. It’s all my fault, I pushed him away…Anyway, here’s the top ten memories that I’ll always cherish, until the clock stops ticking (excluding technicalities such as battery empty of course).
Thank you for:
- Helping me passed my song analysis. If I only knew that you sacrificed a lot in exchange of my grade. I feel so guilty!
- Introducing me to your family as your first girlfriend (*blush!*).
- Dedicating a song for me when your band played during one of the school programs.
- Attending weekday masses with me before the flag ceremony starts in the morning (though the mass is almost done).
- Sending me heartfelt - written cards, cuddly teddy bears, perfumes, and chocolates.
- Inspiring me to keep fighting academically (thanks sa support dude, I made it!).
- Touring me around Camiguin Island. It was my first and last time actually.
- Teaching me how to play soccer and guitar.
- Visiting me at home on boring weekends.
- Making me feel special (always!) and making my high school life close to perfect.
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU…(aftershock of mushy nights)
• Go to mass with me every Sundays • Deliver food and medicine when I get sick • Surprise me with a Holland Tulip™ flower with matching chocolates • Go on a dinner date with me (all – expense paid by you of course,hehe!) • Take pictures of us together • Go videoke tripping and sing like drunkards • Flood your inbox with nonsense messages from me • Flood your gallery with our pictures • Hold my hand like a kid…+++ • Wear pink even if you super dislike the color • Above all, understand me…my shortcomings… and accept me as ME… But I don’t own you…a part of you still belongs to someone else…so before I get emotionally attached to you, I think its best to let you go…I did love you…I still do…
A Day at the Philippine Orthopedic Center
I was also eager and excited to handle an actual patient in a physical dysfunctions setting. While I was preparing my sensory kit, a thought flashed into my mind, “will I be able to handle a real patient?” I reflected on my OT179 fieldwork and internalized that it might be way easier than the OT180 fieldwork. It is because in a psychiatric setting, you will just assess the patient’s mental status and not literally “manipulate” their brains as opposed to a physical dysfunctions setting. It includes physical contact so I’m worried because what if I only worsened the patient’s condition if ever I used the wrong assessment tool.
And then I remembered, my mother told me that when things get tough and confusing, I just need to be strong or even pretend to be one because it’s the only way to achieve what I really want in life. I need to face my fears because in the end it’s just a matter of perspective to see things the way they are. So I’ll consider my first OT180 fieldwork as a stepping stone towards being an effective occupational therapist. When all else fails, then I’ll just charge them to experience and still try to do better on my second fieldwork.
On the day of the fieldwork, we were not yet allowed to handle and conduct an actual assessment with the patients. Instead, we were given the time to “tour” around the rehabilitation cubicles and on the acute spinal cord injury ward to give us a better picture of what we are going to do on our second fieldwork. We were allowed to talk with the patients though, and it was so heartbreaking to hear their stories. Majority of the patients there are actually boys who were injured while playing basketball. One of the patients there was a nursing student (on his pre-morbid days) who has a C5 level of injury. I was assuming that, what if this would be my patient, how could I help him so that he would regain his maximum potentials and be able to return to school which I think is an important occupation for him.
I find it really difficult to work in a physical dysfunctions setting because it’s somewhat like an integration of anatomy plus the evaluation so honestly, it’s also heartbreaking too for my part. But after the fieldwork, I’m even motivated to study even harder after realizing that a lot of people are in dire need of occupational therapists even though sad to say, there are still a lot of people who don’t even know that occupational therapists exist.
A Day at the UP – PGH Ward 7
I’m excited and eager to handle an actual patient especially in the psychiatric setting. Many people think that they have their own dimension and that their ideas are quite “out – of –the – world”. I think that’s what makes it interesting for OTs. During the fieldwork, I think I did well in the COPM and MSE part. I find it difficult to conduct an MSE on the unresponsive client. All in all, I’ve handled three patients during the fieldwork. The good thing was, an OT intern and a respective CS was around to guide me. I’ll try to do better next time by reading more about psychiatric conditions, reviewing related cases, and making hypothetical IEs to practice and hone my OT skills.
Handling an actual patient for the first time is a very challenging factor that could have contributed to my performance. Using the ample knowledge from my “OT toolbox”, I think I’m not even halfway close to the myriad of techniques, tools, and standardized tests that should be learned to be an effective OT. I’m looking forward to seeing more patients from the UP –PGH Ward 7. I’ll try to be more prepared next time to improve my second fieldwork. I’ll just have to keep in mind that I need to help those patients to be functional using the potentials and strengths that they have.
I become more interested in the profession because everyday I’m taking one step forward, understanding how complicated yet exciting it is to be an OT. It’s important to remember that occupational therapy is different for every person. No two people are alike and no two treatments are the same either. Once the occupational therapist figures out what you want to learn to do, then he or she will come up with a plan. Often, that means breaking an activity into several smaller parts, just like learning a song note by note. For example, if you want to take a bath you might first learn how to turn on the water, then adjust the temperature, find the soap and towel, and finally, get into the tub. Once the plan is made, then all it takes is practice, practice, practice. See? OTs really are obsessive – compulsive by nature.
Occupational therapy requires unequivocal dedication, and often rewards its practitioners with a tremendous sense of accomplishment. The profession calls for the best of those individuals who practice it; occupational therapists must be compassionate, caring, patient, and capable of commanding the respect and trust of people within their care. After the fieldwork, I’ve internalized something, and that is - the satisfaction you get from helping someone reclaim their life is enormous.